Depression can be a very lonely illness and your relationships
are a key part of how you cope with your depression. You need
friends for support. Not just good weather friends but friends
who can support you when you’re down. If one of these friends is
also depressed it is not necessarily a bad thing. You can
understand each other and perhaps be there on each other’s bad
days (but not if you’re having a bad time at the same time).
However, you need to be conscious when choosing sexual partners
that your depression will have altered you as a person. It is
likely that the person you get together with when depressed will
not be the person you want to be with when you are better. When
you are depressed you are a different person – you may not even
know who you really are – but your partner will be with the
person you are at that time. Also, depression alters your view
of the world and therefore your view of other people, so your
view of your partner will not be the same when you are better.
Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t start a relationship
when depressed. On the contrary, it could be the best thing for
you. It may provide the stability you need to start working
through your problems and you may be able to talk to your
partner about things you can’t discuss with anyone else. Your
partner may be the only person you can relax around and start to
feel yourself again. Issues may arise that hadn’t before and
wouldn’t have come up if you weren’t in a relationship. On the
other hand, you may find that you keep up the pretence of being
the person you think you ought to be. There is also the
possibility that the relationship could fail before you are
ready - perhaps due to your depression. This will make you
worse. Either way, the stability may give you the space to start
seeing things differently and the confidence to start seeking
therapy.
However, what I strongly advise is do not start a relationship
with someone who is also depressed. I am not a doctor but I do
have 25 years experience of depression and there are two likely
outcomes of this sort of relationship. Firstly, one of you will
get better, you will split and the other will get worse. The
reason is this: if you are simply friends with another depressed
person you can help each other and if one of you gets better you
can still be there to help the other one with your understanding
and advice. However, if you are in a relationship with another
depressed person and one of you gets better and you split up
then the other person will have suffered the end of their
relationship plus the loss of their friendship and support. By
all means be friends with other depressed people, we all need
friends when we’re depressed, but wait until you have both
recovered before you think about starting a sexual partnership.
Depression is a difficult illness to really get rid of. Once
you have had it there is always the possibility of a recurrence.
If you have recovered from your depression but are still in a
relationship with someone who is depressed it is very difficult
to stay recovered. Also, you may find that you want to get out
of the relationship but feel trapped because you know that the
other person will get worse. The stress of this may send you
back into depression. This is the second outome - you will both
remain depressed.
There are two remaining possible outcomes - the first is that
you will both get better and stay together. I believe this is
highly unlikely but not impossible. You will both be different
people when you are better, with different views and
personalities from when you first got together. You may still
like each other but want different things. It would be great if
you both manage to help each other through depression and out
the other side but the normal stresses and strains of a
relationship make this unlikely.
The other outcome is that one of you will get better and you
will stay together. I think this is the least likely to happen.
If you recover from depression and live with someone who is
depressed you are not likely to be really happy. You may still
remember the feelings and understand but there may be an element
of "I got through it so you should be able to as well." We all
know that's unreasonable as part of depression is the feeling
that you just can't try any more but don't people always say
that ex-smokers and the worst critics of smokers?
Bear in mind that a long-term partnership is not necessarily a
bad thing when you are depressed but please think about the
consequences of getting together with another depressed person.
Try to help each other and be there for each other but keep
enough distance between you so that you help each other and not
bring each other down. In other words, stay friends and don’t
live with each other, at least, not until you know who you
really are.
About the Author: June23 maintains the
http://depressiononlinesite.com - a collection of articles for
people living either with depression or with someone with
depression.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Do Not Let Anxiety Get The Better Of You In Your Relationships By Stan Popovich
It can be tough to deal with managing your anxiety while in a
relationship. Maintaining a relationship is tough enough let
alone having to deal with your anxieties. As a result, here is a
list of techniques and suggestions on what to do in managing
your anxieties while being in a relationship.
In a relationship, we may sometimes encounter a scary situation
that gets us all upset. When encountering these events, always
remember to get all of the facts of the given situation.
Gathering the facts can prevent us from relying on exaggerated
and fearful assumptions. By focusing on the facts, a person can
rely on what is reality and what is not.
Sometimes we get stressed out when everything happens all at
once. When this happens, a person should take a deep breathe and
try to find something to do for a few minutes to get their mind
off of the problem. A person could get some fresh air or do
something that will give them a fresh perspective on things.
Be smart in how you deal with your stresses in a relationship.
Do not try to tackle everything all at once. When facing a
current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of
anxiety, break the task into a series of smaller steps.
Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the
stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.
Make a list of all the things that you enjoy in your current
relationship. The next time you get anxious or fearful, look at
your list and remind yourself of the good parts in being with
that person. This technique will put your fears and anxieties in
a relationship into perspective.
Sometimes, it helps to be able to talk to someone about our
stressful situations. Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or
clergyman can not only make us feel better, but they might be
able to give you additional advice and insights on how to deal
with your current problem.
Although I am a layman and not a professional I have
interviewed many psychologists and clergyman and I have over
fifteen years of experience in dealing with fear. Dealing with
our persistent fears in a relationship is not easy, however
there are many helpful resources available to us if you look
hard enough.
About the Author: Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's
Guide to Managing Fear” an easy to read book that presents a
overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent
fears and anxieties. For additional information go to:
http://www.managingfear.com
relationship. Maintaining a relationship is tough enough let
alone having to deal with your anxieties. As a result, here is a
list of techniques and suggestions on what to do in managing
your anxieties while being in a relationship.
In a relationship, we may sometimes encounter a scary situation
that gets us all upset. When encountering these events, always
remember to get all of the facts of the given situation.
Gathering the facts can prevent us from relying on exaggerated
and fearful assumptions. By focusing on the facts, a person can
rely on what is reality and what is not.
Sometimes we get stressed out when everything happens all at
once. When this happens, a person should take a deep breathe and
try to find something to do for a few minutes to get their mind
off of the problem. A person could get some fresh air or do
something that will give them a fresh perspective on things.
Be smart in how you deal with your stresses in a relationship.
Do not try to tackle everything all at once. When facing a
current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of
anxiety, break the task into a series of smaller steps.
Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the
stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.
Make a list of all the things that you enjoy in your current
relationship. The next time you get anxious or fearful, look at
your list and remind yourself of the good parts in being with
that person. This technique will put your fears and anxieties in
a relationship into perspective.
Sometimes, it helps to be able to talk to someone about our
stressful situations. Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or
clergyman can not only make us feel better, but they might be
able to give you additional advice and insights on how to deal
with your current problem.
Although I am a layman and not a professional I have
interviewed many psychologists and clergyman and I have over
fifteen years of experience in dealing with fear. Dealing with
our persistent fears in a relationship is not easy, however
there are many helpful resources available to us if you look
hard enough.
About the Author: Stan Popovich is the author of "A Layman's
Guide to Managing Fear” an easy to read book that presents a
overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent
fears and anxieties. For additional information go to:
http://www.managingfear.com
Monday, August 16, 2010
Online Romances By Terje Ellingsen
Online romances or relationship dating has been more and more
common in recent years. In older days men and women met in
clubs, restaurants, bars, at work as well as simply taking a jog
or walk. Newspaper and magazine classified ads took over and now
the internet has become one of the biggest markets for love and
relationships. I don't know how many dating websites there are
out there, but if the number exceeds five digits, it doesn't
surprise me at all. In today’s busy society, online dating is an
easy and convenient way to link couples together and even though
this may seem like an unromantic way to date, an amazingly large
number of dates are done this way and the online dating industry
is growing rapidly as well. So there must be something positive
about it.
Yes, there are many positive aspects with dating on the
internet. Statistics however, tell that many relationships
created through the internet are broken. So what should we be
aware of in order to utilize this way of romance as well as
possible and which mistakes in the online relationship building
process should we avoid?
Have you ever chatted with Madonna? Or Britney Spears? Or maybe
George Clooney? Are you the most careful and tolerant person on
earth; is that the image you try to give of yourself. What if
the relationship became serious and you were caught in such a
simple lie? My advice is that you should not pretend to be
another person than you are but be honest from the very first
meeting if your purpose is to build a serious love relationship.
Another mistake many people dating online make is to meet in
person too soon. You don't know the person you date online, and
you should exchange several emails or chat for an extensive
period of time before you even consider meeting. For example
this male person can be violent and even abuse you, even though
he made the total opposite impression. You should also do some
phone calls before you meet. The point, is that you should do
all you can to know each other before you meet. This way, the
safety issue has been more properly taken care of.
When you meet for the first time, do it in a neutral place,
like a restaurant, cafe or other places where people meet.
During the first weeks of the relationship, always tell family
members or friends when and where you are going to meet the
potential partner, whether this is in the partner’s home or
other places. If something should happen, they'll know where you
are, and the chances are better for avoiding a tragedy.
When your network of friends and family has been introduced to
your partner, and you start to feel sure that this is a really
promising relationship, then you should go to the next level.
It's all about confidence, so don't jump into it in the
beginning, give time for getting to know your potential partner
before your engage seriously and the relationship is much more
likely to become a real romance and a great and long lasting
relationship.
About the Author: Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and
Sociologist who runs http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/. He
writes about self improvement issues like confidence building,
see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/self_esteem_improvement.htm
as well as love and other relationships, see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/building_positive_relationships.htm.
common in recent years. In older days men and women met in
clubs, restaurants, bars, at work as well as simply taking a jog
or walk. Newspaper and magazine classified ads took over and now
the internet has become one of the biggest markets for love and
relationships. I don't know how many dating websites there are
out there, but if the number exceeds five digits, it doesn't
surprise me at all. In today’s busy society, online dating is an
easy and convenient way to link couples together and even though
this may seem like an unromantic way to date, an amazingly large
number of dates are done this way and the online dating industry
is growing rapidly as well. So there must be something positive
about it.
Yes, there are many positive aspects with dating on the
internet. Statistics however, tell that many relationships
created through the internet are broken. So what should we be
aware of in order to utilize this way of romance as well as
possible and which mistakes in the online relationship building
process should we avoid?
Have you ever chatted with Madonna? Or Britney Spears? Or maybe
George Clooney? Are you the most careful and tolerant person on
earth; is that the image you try to give of yourself. What if
the relationship became serious and you were caught in such a
simple lie? My advice is that you should not pretend to be
another person than you are but be honest from the very first
meeting if your purpose is to build a serious love relationship.
Another mistake many people dating online make is to meet in
person too soon. You don't know the person you date online, and
you should exchange several emails or chat for an extensive
period of time before you even consider meeting. For example
this male person can be violent and even abuse you, even though
he made the total opposite impression. You should also do some
phone calls before you meet. The point, is that you should do
all you can to know each other before you meet. This way, the
safety issue has been more properly taken care of.
When you meet for the first time, do it in a neutral place,
like a restaurant, cafe or other places where people meet.
During the first weeks of the relationship, always tell family
members or friends when and where you are going to meet the
potential partner, whether this is in the partner’s home or
other places. If something should happen, they'll know where you
are, and the chances are better for avoiding a tragedy.
When your network of friends and family has been introduced to
your partner, and you start to feel sure that this is a really
promising relationship, then you should go to the next level.
It's all about confidence, so don't jump into it in the
beginning, give time for getting to know your potential partner
before your engage seriously and the relationship is much more
likely to become a real romance and a great and long lasting
relationship.
About the Author: Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and
Sociologist who runs http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/. He
writes about self improvement issues like confidence building,
see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/self_esteem_improvement.htm
as well as love and other relationships, see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/building_positive_relationships.htm.
Teen Relationships By Terje Ellingsen
Before I start to talk about teen relationships I feel I have
to make a clarification. Many people when they think of the word
relationship, automatically equate it to love or sexual
relationship. According to the general definition of
relationship this is any connection between two or more elements
and these elements can be anything from chemical substances to
human beings. So from this definition it is simple to deduct the
meaning of this word applied to human beings. A teen
relationship can be any kind of relationship
between teens of the same gender
between teens of the opposite gender, like boyfriend girlfriend
relationships
between teens and other persons of the same or different gender
and different age.
The quality of these relationships can also vary, but there are
two kinds of teenager relationships I'm going to talk about
here;
teen friendships and
teen love relationships
Teen Friendships
This kind of teenager relationship will fit into all three
categories above. It can exist between a teenager and other
persons of same or different gender and age. A good friend - no
matter age or gender - is one of the best things you can have on
this earth. A really good friend that is special to you and
means much to you. A person that is always there for you.
Many successful love relationships has started with friendship
and this is probably the reason for it's success. The better you
know the other person, the better you'll go along with him or
her and in a long lasting love relationship - as man and woman -
your appreciation of your partner as a friend will mean much
more than anything else. If we look at it from the other end, it
seems much more difficult to build a friendship from a love or
sexual relationship. In fact, I have not heard about it, maybe
you have but the point is that a good friendship is always good
to have both as a basis of a future love relationship and as a
friendship by itself.
A teenage friendship can exist between anyone no matter what
gender, age, race, background or whatever. A 13 year old girl
and a 50 year old man can have a great and even lifelong
friendship together as well as two teenagers of the same gender.
Teen love relationships
While you can talk quite frankly and straight forward in a
friendship most of us are more aware of not hurting the partner
in a love relationship. This can evolve to a degree of lies and
even no communication at all just to protect your partner.
There are also more mutual expectations in a love relationship
and more intimate emotions are involved than in a good
friendship. A teen love relationship can be great and long
lasting but if there is no basis of friendship in it the
probability of sustaining it is significantly lower. There are
some legally defined limitations with regards to who can go into
a teen love or sexual relationship. It is illegal for people of
18 years and above to have a sexual relation to a minor but It
is definitely not illegal to have older friends.
A good friendship is one of the best gifts God has provided our
lives with and even if you marry the sweetest boy or girl in the
world, neither of you will be happy if you aren't good friends.
About the Author: Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and
Sociologist who runs http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/. He
writes about self improvement issues like improving self
confidence, see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/self_esteem_improvement.htm
and relationship issues, see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/building_positive_relationships.htm.
to make a clarification. Many people when they think of the word
relationship, automatically equate it to love or sexual
relationship. According to the general definition of
relationship this is any connection between two or more elements
and these elements can be anything from chemical substances to
human beings. So from this definition it is simple to deduct the
meaning of this word applied to human beings. A teen
relationship can be any kind of relationship
between teens of the same gender
between teens of the opposite gender, like boyfriend girlfriend
relationships
between teens and other persons of the same or different gender
and different age.
The quality of these relationships can also vary, but there are
two kinds of teenager relationships I'm going to talk about
here;
teen friendships and
teen love relationships
Teen Friendships
This kind of teenager relationship will fit into all three
categories above. It can exist between a teenager and other
persons of same or different gender and age. A good friend - no
matter age or gender - is one of the best things you can have on
this earth. A really good friend that is special to you and
means much to you. A person that is always there for you.
Many successful love relationships has started with friendship
and this is probably the reason for it's success. The better you
know the other person, the better you'll go along with him or
her and in a long lasting love relationship - as man and woman -
your appreciation of your partner as a friend will mean much
more than anything else. If we look at it from the other end, it
seems much more difficult to build a friendship from a love or
sexual relationship. In fact, I have not heard about it, maybe
you have but the point is that a good friendship is always good
to have both as a basis of a future love relationship and as a
friendship by itself.
A teenage friendship can exist between anyone no matter what
gender, age, race, background or whatever. A 13 year old girl
and a 50 year old man can have a great and even lifelong
friendship together as well as two teenagers of the same gender.
Teen love relationships
While you can talk quite frankly and straight forward in a
friendship most of us are more aware of not hurting the partner
in a love relationship. This can evolve to a degree of lies and
even no communication at all just to protect your partner.
There are also more mutual expectations in a love relationship
and more intimate emotions are involved than in a good
friendship. A teen love relationship can be great and long
lasting but if there is no basis of friendship in it the
probability of sustaining it is significantly lower. There are
some legally defined limitations with regards to who can go into
a teen love or sexual relationship. It is illegal for people of
18 years and above to have a sexual relation to a minor but It
is definitely not illegal to have older friends.
A good friendship is one of the best gifts God has provided our
lives with and even if you marry the sweetest boy or girl in the
world, neither of you will be happy if you aren't good friends.
About the Author: Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and
Sociologist who runs http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/. He
writes about self improvement issues like improving self
confidence, see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/self_esteem_improvement.htm
and relationship issues, see
http://www.1st-self-improvement.net/building_positive_relationships.htm.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Relationships Advice For Women Who Have Hope For Successful Relationships By Francis K. Githinji
Some things should never be let to see the light of the day.
Folklore has it that the truth will always set you free but in
dating relationships, some things are better left unsaid.
According to my relationships advice, women should learn to keep
some issues in the dark. Many guys who are serious with you will
off course ask you about the number of men you have dated. By
this he does not mean the guy you had an innocent tour with
through the park. He wants to know the number of guys you have
got intimate with. In life people kiss many frogs who look like
princes. Do not tell the truth especially if they exceed five.
The number of men or women you have slept with should be tightly
locked in the cupboard if you have any hope of successful
relationships.
I thought of giving relationships advice to women because i am
tired of seeing them spoiling their once successful
relationships. You might not love your body that much but do not
disclose the body shape insecurities. Your guy sees you
beautiful and attractive. Let him continue like that. If you
start highlighting the body parts you do not like, he will start
seeing them. If your thighs are too fat do something to improve
them but do not whine about it. If you do not like yourself, the
man might believe in you and hate what he previously liked. This
puts a strain on dating relationships. John left his former
girlfriend because she kept on complaining that her bum was so
big. He after all saw it was extra ordinarily big and he left.
When it comes to the matters of the heart we sometimes act so
stupidly. It is hard to deny love but whatever you do as a woman
do not show your man that you cannot live without him. You can
tell it to your close friends who off course will pump sense
into you but do not tell it to your boyfriend. This dating
relationships advice is essential for women who are regularly
abused by their partners. If your man does something wrong to
you and does not care to apologize, do not let it pass. There
are some women who are used like door mats but they act like
nothing happened because they cannot bear doing without the man
in their life. Successful relationships are born out of love and
respect.
Most women come clean when they are caught cheating on the
spouses. What makes a cheating behavior in a man so forgivable?
Women who have been caught cheating always accept to having a
moment of passion. Men on the other hand will always use the
phrase "it wasn't me." At these time and age when cheating women
are on the rise, women need some dating relationships advice.
Never admit that you were cheating on him. The moment you admit
the relationship hits a dead end. Denying makes the man in your
life start believing in you and possibly giving the relationship
a second chance. People in relationships also make mistakes but
they have to be wise in order to enjoy successful relationships.
About the Author: Francis K. Githinji Is A Online Dating
Expert. His Latest Project http://www.tomydate.com Shows How The
Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With
Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His
Blog At http://www.tomydate.net/?p=553.
Folklore has it that the truth will always set you free but in
dating relationships, some things are better left unsaid.
According to my relationships advice, women should learn to keep
some issues in the dark. Many guys who are serious with you will
off course ask you about the number of men you have dated. By
this he does not mean the guy you had an innocent tour with
through the park. He wants to know the number of guys you have
got intimate with. In life people kiss many frogs who look like
princes. Do not tell the truth especially if they exceed five.
The number of men or women you have slept with should be tightly
locked in the cupboard if you have any hope of successful
relationships.
I thought of giving relationships advice to women because i am
tired of seeing them spoiling their once successful
relationships. You might not love your body that much but do not
disclose the body shape insecurities. Your guy sees you
beautiful and attractive. Let him continue like that. If you
start highlighting the body parts you do not like, he will start
seeing them. If your thighs are too fat do something to improve
them but do not whine about it. If you do not like yourself, the
man might believe in you and hate what he previously liked. This
puts a strain on dating relationships. John left his former
girlfriend because she kept on complaining that her bum was so
big. He after all saw it was extra ordinarily big and he left.
When it comes to the matters of the heart we sometimes act so
stupidly. It is hard to deny love but whatever you do as a woman
do not show your man that you cannot live without him. You can
tell it to your close friends who off course will pump sense
into you but do not tell it to your boyfriend. This dating
relationships advice is essential for women who are regularly
abused by their partners. If your man does something wrong to
you and does not care to apologize, do not let it pass. There
are some women who are used like door mats but they act like
nothing happened because they cannot bear doing without the man
in their life. Successful relationships are born out of love and
respect.
Most women come clean when they are caught cheating on the
spouses. What makes a cheating behavior in a man so forgivable?
Women who have been caught cheating always accept to having a
moment of passion. Men on the other hand will always use the
phrase "it wasn't me." At these time and age when cheating women
are on the rise, women need some dating relationships advice.
Never admit that you were cheating on him. The moment you admit
the relationship hits a dead end. Denying makes the man in your
life start believing in you and possibly giving the relationship
a second chance. People in relationships also make mistakes but
they have to be wise in order to enjoy successful relationships.
About the Author: Francis K. Githinji Is A Online Dating
Expert. His Latest Project http://www.tomydate.com Shows How The
Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With
Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His
Blog At http://www.tomydate.net/?p=553.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Simple Secret to a Woman’s Heart By Juhlin Youlein
Have you ever been somewhere when you see what appears to be
the most unlikely couple where maybe a physically undesirable
man is with a physically desirable woman who is hanging from his
arm and seems to be madly in love with him? Almost immediately
the thought may run through your mind, “How in the world did he
get her?” The answer will almost always be a simple one . . .
success. This seemingly “unattractive” man given his physical
appearance is in reality a highly desirable catch to a woman . .
. because as the odds dictate, he is most likely “monetarily
successful.”
Each passing generation of man, just like animals, passes on a
recipe for success. Social Darwinism is alive and well, even in
today’s culture. A woman has a relatively low ceiling compared
to a man when it comes to the amount of children a woman could
theoretically rear or produce in a lifetime. Therefore, a woman
wants the man who either is the biological father, or the man
who will raise the child, to offer something uniquely separate
from other men, and that is, she wants her baby or babies to
have EVERY opportunity possibly offered to a person in the
society. Of course this is a gross generalization of the entire
gender, but most mothers’ number one desire in life is to have
great opportunities offered to their children.
This dramatic generalized principle is important because it
vastly improves an individual’s perception of the world around
them. It also allows men to better focus on the specific thing
they want most . . . women. Women not only want a man that is
successful but they most often will also accept a man who has a
great potential for success. Through the lens of this
perspective, so much of what men do is to attract a woman. Take
for example a man who has little interest in going to college
and would do just fine working an eight to five job building
homes making enough to live, eat, buy man toys and support his
vices. But then consider that this same man has a desire for an
attractive woman and she does not consider his job as being
successful and will not be attracted to him unless he goes to
college. Good chance the man will go to college.
Another example can be illustrated by the true story of John
and Jane. John is an all around incredible man who has so much
to offer in ways of great looks, personality, morality, etc.
John falls madly in love with Jane who is an equally incredible
woman and desires little more than to have him marry her. The
problem is, as great as she realizes he is, she for some reason
cannot commit to marrying him. Well, as we could have guessed
given the success principle, John’s simple solution was for him
to figure out his finances, get a realtor, and purchase a nice
piece of real estate or a simple home in the quiet suburbs of
Arizona. The home was a mental trigger of success in Jane’s
mind, and within a month, after two years of this man diligently
trying to woo the woman, she suddenly falls madly in love with
him and realized she could never live without him.
As a brief summary, women in general are deeply and
instinctually attracted to a man’s success, realized or
potential, more than any other attribute a man may posses. As a
basic applicable principle, a man buying real estate will sling
shot himself up several levels in his attractiveness. The best
thing a man can do is live his life in a way to be able to
purchase a home.
About the Author: This context about real estate is brought to
you by
http://ourbestrealestate.com/Gilbert_Real_Estate/city.html which
is a page dedicated to Gilbert AZ homes for sale.
the most unlikely couple where maybe a physically undesirable
man is with a physically desirable woman who is hanging from his
arm and seems to be madly in love with him? Almost immediately
the thought may run through your mind, “How in the world did he
get her?” The answer will almost always be a simple one . . .
success. This seemingly “unattractive” man given his physical
appearance is in reality a highly desirable catch to a woman . .
. because as the odds dictate, he is most likely “monetarily
successful.”
Each passing generation of man, just like animals, passes on a
recipe for success. Social Darwinism is alive and well, even in
today’s culture. A woman has a relatively low ceiling compared
to a man when it comes to the amount of children a woman could
theoretically rear or produce in a lifetime. Therefore, a woman
wants the man who either is the biological father, or the man
who will raise the child, to offer something uniquely separate
from other men, and that is, she wants her baby or babies to
have EVERY opportunity possibly offered to a person in the
society. Of course this is a gross generalization of the entire
gender, but most mothers’ number one desire in life is to have
great opportunities offered to their children.
This dramatic generalized principle is important because it
vastly improves an individual’s perception of the world around
them. It also allows men to better focus on the specific thing
they want most . . . women. Women not only want a man that is
successful but they most often will also accept a man who has a
great potential for success. Through the lens of this
perspective, so much of what men do is to attract a woman. Take
for example a man who has little interest in going to college
and would do just fine working an eight to five job building
homes making enough to live, eat, buy man toys and support his
vices. But then consider that this same man has a desire for an
attractive woman and she does not consider his job as being
successful and will not be attracted to him unless he goes to
college. Good chance the man will go to college.
Another example can be illustrated by the true story of John
and Jane. John is an all around incredible man who has so much
to offer in ways of great looks, personality, morality, etc.
John falls madly in love with Jane who is an equally incredible
woman and desires little more than to have him marry her. The
problem is, as great as she realizes he is, she for some reason
cannot commit to marrying him. Well, as we could have guessed
given the success principle, John’s simple solution was for him
to figure out his finances, get a realtor, and purchase a nice
piece of real estate or a simple home in the quiet suburbs of
Arizona. The home was a mental trigger of success in Jane’s
mind, and within a month, after two years of this man diligently
trying to woo the woman, she suddenly falls madly in love with
him and realized she could never live without him.
As a brief summary, women in general are deeply and
instinctually attracted to a man’s success, realized or
potential, more than any other attribute a man may posses. As a
basic applicable principle, a man buying real estate will sling
shot himself up several levels in his attractiveness. The best
thing a man can do is live his life in a way to be able to
purchase a home.
About the Author: This context about real estate is brought to
you by
http://ourbestrealestate.com/Gilbert_Real_Estate/city.html which
is a page dedicated to Gilbert AZ homes for sale.
An Introduction To Relationships By Kent Pinkerton
“Love makes the world go around” was true when it was first
uttered many years ago and remains just as true today. Love is
what everybody is after. So much time is spent discussing love,
reading about it, watching movies about it and singing about it
that if all that time were spent on any other problem, it would
surely have been solved a long time ago. Relationships with
others are the vehicle through which people find love and,
hopefully, preserve it.
Since the beginning of time, themes of romantic relationships
have dominated the stories we tell. The first and most well
known Bible story is about the relationship between Adam and
Eve. The story goes that Adam was alone in the garden and begged
God for a companion. In the Bible, God created man, but man’s
humanity was not complete without the love of another like
himself. This basic human value is reflected in religions across
the globe, and in our secular stories as well.
Nowadays, relationships, their creation, preservation, and
demise, have spawned numerous multi-billion dollar industries.
Everybody has a book to sell, a movie to screen, a song to sing
or a course to offer on the subject. There are workshops to
take, therapy sessions to experience and training to undergo to
keep things working smoothly. And if all that fails there are
squadrons of hungry divorce lawyers and judges to make things
come to end – happy or not.
Woody Allen has made dozens of movies exploring relationships
and in the end his philosophy can be summed up with the
prophetic words, “Relationships are painful and they all end too
quickly.” The classic sci-fi novel, 1984, has as its main
premise the idea that in the future there would be no need for
what we now call relationships, just a government sponsored
pairing up system to preserve the natural order of things. And
even in that society, the books main characters sneak off to
have some good old fashioned relationship fun, which ultimately
gets them in trouble with Big Brother.
Why all the fuss? What drives people to behave in this most
unseemly and dangerous manner just to hold hands with someone
and cuddle up on a cold night? For, the answer to that question,
look to all the books, songs, movies, and poems about love.
About the Author: Relationships provides detailed information
about online relationships, long distance relationships,
relationship advice, relationship problems, relationship
quizzes, interracial relationships, and more. For more
information go to http://www.i-relationships.com and/or visit
its sister site at http://www.i-troubledteens.com for related
information.
uttered many years ago and remains just as true today. Love is
what everybody is after. So much time is spent discussing love,
reading about it, watching movies about it and singing about it
that if all that time were spent on any other problem, it would
surely have been solved a long time ago. Relationships with
others are the vehicle through which people find love and,
hopefully, preserve it.
Since the beginning of time, themes of romantic relationships
have dominated the stories we tell. The first and most well
known Bible story is about the relationship between Adam and
Eve. The story goes that Adam was alone in the garden and begged
God for a companion. In the Bible, God created man, but man’s
humanity was not complete without the love of another like
himself. This basic human value is reflected in religions across
the globe, and in our secular stories as well.
Nowadays, relationships, their creation, preservation, and
demise, have spawned numerous multi-billion dollar industries.
Everybody has a book to sell, a movie to screen, a song to sing
or a course to offer on the subject. There are workshops to
take, therapy sessions to experience and training to undergo to
keep things working smoothly. And if all that fails there are
squadrons of hungry divorce lawyers and judges to make things
come to end – happy or not.
Woody Allen has made dozens of movies exploring relationships
and in the end his philosophy can be summed up with the
prophetic words, “Relationships are painful and they all end too
quickly.” The classic sci-fi novel, 1984, has as its main
premise the idea that in the future there would be no need for
what we now call relationships, just a government sponsored
pairing up system to preserve the natural order of things. And
even in that society, the books main characters sneak off to
have some good old fashioned relationship fun, which ultimately
gets them in trouble with Big Brother.
Why all the fuss? What drives people to behave in this most
unseemly and dangerous manner just to hold hands with someone
and cuddle up on a cold night? For, the answer to that question,
look to all the books, songs, movies, and poems about love.
About the Author: Relationships provides detailed information
about online relationships, long distance relationships,
relationship advice, relationship problems, relationship
quizzes, interracial relationships, and more. For more
information go to http://www.i-relationships.com and/or visit
its sister site at http://www.i-troubledteens.com for related
information.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Fix Your Relationships! By Matthew Lacoursiere
Let me start by saying, even if you think you are completely
happy with every relationship you currently have, you can always
do something to increase its value. However that does not mean
that you are doing anything wrong. Relationships are very
tricky. A good relationship is always in need of maintenance; if
not then it wouldn't be a good one to begin with. Like a
computer, you cant' just set it up and use it endlessly without
having to upgrade a program or install a new one from time to
time.
I like to think of this upgradeable program as the human mind.
Our minds are in need of constant upgrading and maintenance.
This usually comes in the form of stimulus or just simply alone
time. The biggest problem one can face in maintaining the mind
is the complex some humans share known as separation anxiety.
This is when a person finds that they are no longer surrounded
by their loved ones, peers, or just other humans in general.
This can be anywhere at anytime.
Some people find they only thrive on the presence of other
people to keep their minds at ease. I propose this is
experienced by everyone at some point in their life. Some people
remain confined to their comfort zone for fear they will be left
with nothing to occupy their mind. I believe that everyone
requires time alone to ponder on what the mind has processed and
to reboot the system if you will. When forced to stay the task
and focus on nothing but the problem at hand, surely you will
not allow yourself the insight to properly solve the issue. To
occupy the mind with nothing but the problem, you have left
yourself no room to work with building new ideas and creating
positive feelings.
People in general are ignorant to this idea simply because it
is not taught in schools, people do not speak of this regularly,
and just because it is so simple yet complex. If you think about
it, when we are at work or alone in the bathroom stall, or
taking that long walk to your car, our minds are still going
even though we have no direct stimuli. The mind is a virtually
untapped entity unlimited through time and space, which allows
us to evolve as human beings.
The mind is not the brain; the brain is not the mind. The mind
is so very powerful yet undermined when considering improving
one self. Our minds are made of pure energy consisting of
nothing else at all. A link between our being and the universe.
If you have religion or you have none, this has absolutely no
bearing on the connection of mind and universe. I believe in
God, yet I believe that God created man and universe and that
there is a glorious power that is untapped because of the lack
of human understanding into the mind.
About the Author: Matthew LaCoursiere, born in Minnesota 1978.
Freelance fiction and non-fiction writer witha nonprofit project
happening right now. If you would like to check out the project
site and learn more about unlocking your mind, click the link
below. http://www.moneysecretmoney.com
happy with every relationship you currently have, you can always
do something to increase its value. However that does not mean
that you are doing anything wrong. Relationships are very
tricky. A good relationship is always in need of maintenance; if
not then it wouldn't be a good one to begin with. Like a
computer, you cant' just set it up and use it endlessly without
having to upgrade a program or install a new one from time to
time.
I like to think of this upgradeable program as the human mind.
Our minds are in need of constant upgrading and maintenance.
This usually comes in the form of stimulus or just simply alone
time. The biggest problem one can face in maintaining the mind
is the complex some humans share known as separation anxiety.
This is when a person finds that they are no longer surrounded
by their loved ones, peers, or just other humans in general.
This can be anywhere at anytime.
Some people find they only thrive on the presence of other
people to keep their minds at ease. I propose this is
experienced by everyone at some point in their life. Some people
remain confined to their comfort zone for fear they will be left
with nothing to occupy their mind. I believe that everyone
requires time alone to ponder on what the mind has processed and
to reboot the system if you will. When forced to stay the task
and focus on nothing but the problem at hand, surely you will
not allow yourself the insight to properly solve the issue. To
occupy the mind with nothing but the problem, you have left
yourself no room to work with building new ideas and creating
positive feelings.
People in general are ignorant to this idea simply because it
is not taught in schools, people do not speak of this regularly,
and just because it is so simple yet complex. If you think about
it, when we are at work or alone in the bathroom stall, or
taking that long walk to your car, our minds are still going
even though we have no direct stimuli. The mind is a virtually
untapped entity unlimited through time and space, which allows
us to evolve as human beings.
The mind is not the brain; the brain is not the mind. The mind
is so very powerful yet undermined when considering improving
one self. Our minds are made of pure energy consisting of
nothing else at all. A link between our being and the universe.
If you have religion or you have none, this has absolutely no
bearing on the connection of mind and universe. I believe in
God, yet I believe that God created man and universe and that
there is a glorious power that is untapped because of the lack
of human understanding into the mind.
About the Author: Matthew LaCoursiere, born in Minnesota 1978.
Freelance fiction and non-fiction writer witha nonprofit project
happening right now. If you would like to check out the project
site and learn more about unlocking your mind, click the link
below. http://www.moneysecretmoney.com
Relationships With Men By Frank Luca
For a woman, perhaps the most challenging relationships in her
life will be her relationships with men. This is not exclusive
to the men she dates, and the one she will end up marrying, this
means her dealings with all men. The problem most women find is
that men are hard to understand, though granted, men will say
the same thing about women. It is true that men and women just
think differently, and simply don’t talk enough. This can make a
woman’s relationships with men full of miscommunications and
misunderstandings. It’s a wonder anyone gets together at all
isn’t it? On top of that, brothers, dads, and male coworkers add
to the confusion.
No matter how much advice women get about relationships with
men, it’s hard to get it right. While I agree that good
communication is a definite benefit, it doesn’t help as much as
people would like you to believe. You can say all the words you
want, but if you don’t understand those words, you get nowhere.
The common mistake most women make in relationships with men is
trying to read more into their words than is really there. On
the flip side, men often don’t hear enough of what a woman is
saying. This doesn’t mean either side is wrong, it just means
things are left unsaid, and things are imagined that aren’t
there.
You can find help with relationships with men in a lot of
places, but remember that advice can be a bit one sided. There
are services that are said to help women understand men, and
also coaching services to help those who seem to feel they are
bad daters. There is no magic cure, but you may find that you
are sending out the wrong signals when you don’t intend to. Body
language is an important aspect of relationships with men. You
may be telling men you are difficult or off limits without even
realizing it.
If you feel stuck, and don’t understand why your relationships
with men don’t work out very well, there is no harm in asking
for help. You can find self-help books on the subject, or you
can ask friends who seem to have a successful dating life.
Finding out how to better understand the opposite sex may truly
help you improve your relationships with men, and help your
communications with everyone else in your life as well.
I often hear that it's difficult being single in this day and
age. My brother is 32 years old and still a bachelor. The
problem is not that he's single, but that he never attempts to
get out of his house and meet people. I seriously don't
understand this. What is the big deal? You just get up off the
couch on a Friday or Saturday night and venture out to the local
bars. Heck, even feel free to hit up the club scenes if that's
your thing. The goal is to make friends and possible love
interests. If all of this is far too difficult and requires too
much of your time, energy and money, then I suggest that you
dabble in the online single sites. What; you've never heard of
single sites? You really do need to get online then.
Folks try all sorts of venues when it comes to meeting singles
like themselves. I've heard stories about coffee houses,
shopping malls, clubs, pubs, and churches. Yes, I did just say
churches. Does this surprise you in any way? I seriously doubt
it. After all, this is 2006 we're living in. Virtually anything
is plausible. A buddy of mine from college was notorious for
checking out the local churches. He would pick a new one at
random on Sunday mornings. This is pathetic at best, but what
can I say. The guy has issues. It kind of reminds me of that
flick "Wedding Crashers." Yeah, you know the one. Anyway, my
buddy would constantly hit on girls at Sunday mass. I told him
to resort to more current mediums such as online single sites.
Sure enough; he was checking these out in no time. In fact, he
tried all sorts of them. One in particular that caught my eye
was a Gothic website. He's not Gothic. However, when he found a
date on there, he soon pretended he was for a night. The clip-on
earrings looked ridiculous. Please don't follow this guy's
example.
It's a synch to find Internet single sites now days. They
basically flourish throughout the World-Wide-Web. It may help to
choose single sites that pertain more to you as a person. So if
you're Asian, you may be interested in checking out an Asian
dating website. They have single sites for every ilk of people
known to man. Hop online and take a look-see.
About the Author: For girls in Sydney, Australia visit:
http://www.sydney-escorts-palace.com/ For sexy Sydney Escorts
visit: http://www.sydney-escorts-palace.com/sydney
life will be her relationships with men. This is not exclusive
to the men she dates, and the one she will end up marrying, this
means her dealings with all men. The problem most women find is
that men are hard to understand, though granted, men will say
the same thing about women. It is true that men and women just
think differently, and simply don’t talk enough. This can make a
woman’s relationships with men full of miscommunications and
misunderstandings. It’s a wonder anyone gets together at all
isn’t it? On top of that, brothers, dads, and male coworkers add
to the confusion.
No matter how much advice women get about relationships with
men, it’s hard to get it right. While I agree that good
communication is a definite benefit, it doesn’t help as much as
people would like you to believe. You can say all the words you
want, but if you don’t understand those words, you get nowhere.
The common mistake most women make in relationships with men is
trying to read more into their words than is really there. On
the flip side, men often don’t hear enough of what a woman is
saying. This doesn’t mean either side is wrong, it just means
things are left unsaid, and things are imagined that aren’t
there.
You can find help with relationships with men in a lot of
places, but remember that advice can be a bit one sided. There
are services that are said to help women understand men, and
also coaching services to help those who seem to feel they are
bad daters. There is no magic cure, but you may find that you
are sending out the wrong signals when you don’t intend to. Body
language is an important aspect of relationships with men. You
may be telling men you are difficult or off limits without even
realizing it.
If you feel stuck, and don’t understand why your relationships
with men don’t work out very well, there is no harm in asking
for help. You can find self-help books on the subject, or you
can ask friends who seem to have a successful dating life.
Finding out how to better understand the opposite sex may truly
help you improve your relationships with men, and help your
communications with everyone else in your life as well.
I often hear that it's difficult being single in this day and
age. My brother is 32 years old and still a bachelor. The
problem is not that he's single, but that he never attempts to
get out of his house and meet people. I seriously don't
understand this. What is the big deal? You just get up off the
couch on a Friday or Saturday night and venture out to the local
bars. Heck, even feel free to hit up the club scenes if that's
your thing. The goal is to make friends and possible love
interests. If all of this is far too difficult and requires too
much of your time, energy and money, then I suggest that you
dabble in the online single sites. What; you've never heard of
single sites? You really do need to get online then.
Folks try all sorts of venues when it comes to meeting singles
like themselves. I've heard stories about coffee houses,
shopping malls, clubs, pubs, and churches. Yes, I did just say
churches. Does this surprise you in any way? I seriously doubt
it. After all, this is 2006 we're living in. Virtually anything
is plausible. A buddy of mine from college was notorious for
checking out the local churches. He would pick a new one at
random on Sunday mornings. This is pathetic at best, but what
can I say. The guy has issues. It kind of reminds me of that
flick "Wedding Crashers." Yeah, you know the one. Anyway, my
buddy would constantly hit on girls at Sunday mass. I told him
to resort to more current mediums such as online single sites.
Sure enough; he was checking these out in no time. In fact, he
tried all sorts of them. One in particular that caught my eye
was a Gothic website. He's not Gothic. However, when he found a
date on there, he soon pretended he was for a night. The clip-on
earrings looked ridiculous. Please don't follow this guy's
example.
It's a synch to find Internet single sites now days. They
basically flourish throughout the World-Wide-Web. It may help to
choose single sites that pertain more to you as a person. So if
you're Asian, you may be interested in checking out an Asian
dating website. They have single sites for every ilk of people
known to man. Hop online and take a look-see.
About the Author: For girls in Sydney, Australia visit:
http://www.sydney-escorts-palace.com/ For sexy Sydney Escorts
visit: http://www.sydney-escorts-palace.com/sydney
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Same Sex Relationships By Ron Zvagelsky
A vacation with your loved one can be one of the most enjoyable
ways to spend some quality time with each other. Stepping away
from the hustle and bustle routine of daily life can easily
rekindle old and familiar sparks.
Unfortunately for same sex couples not every vacation
destination is as open and accepting as they could be. For this
reason many travel agencies have opened with the goal to plan
and book trips and vacations for gay couples. Knowing that where
you are going is a place where you will be received with open
arms is a comfort.
One of the more popular agencies, Out and About, offers
vacation packages that include gay or gay friendly hotels,
restaurants and local guides. Out and About also offers tour
books that are searchable on their web page. These books are
broken down between romance, adventure and even places that are
open to only women or only men. Special trips to exotic places
such as India or Africa are featured.
Another in demand travel agency is called Gay Travel. Also
listed on-line, this agency offers gay and lesbian friendly
planned trips around the world. They also corner the market on
exclusive gay cruises. The site has a searchable database that
can help you find gay owned and run businesses such as bed and
breakfasts and hotels. Their most popular service is a do it
yourself vacation planner. You tell them where, when and how and
they will find you a vacation that has been tailor made.
Cruises are another ideal choice for a romantic getaway. Olivia
Travel is an agency geared towards lesbians that list many
commercial cruises that are gay friendly. The most sought after
cruises have celebrity guests and have days ported at Olivia’s
own private island, Half Moon Cay, in the Caribbean. Children
are usually welcomed on Olivia cruises and you will be pleased
to discover that nanny services are available when you and your
sweetie want to have a night alone.
The fastest growing vacation trend is a trip up north to our
neighbors in Canada. Many same sex couples plan their weddings
in Canada and the nation has opened its arms to help make their
special day truly unique. Deals can be found for you, your mate
and your combined families at many hotels in Montreal, Toronto
and Halifax. Lush spa packages by gay friendly staff are offered
at many resorts.
About the Author: Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business
Administration from the University of Southern California. He
graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief
Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can plan, share, and
find a date http://www.planjam.com/sharedate.php
ways to spend some quality time with each other. Stepping away
from the hustle and bustle routine of daily life can easily
rekindle old and familiar sparks.
Unfortunately for same sex couples not every vacation
destination is as open and accepting as they could be. For this
reason many travel agencies have opened with the goal to plan
and book trips and vacations for gay couples. Knowing that where
you are going is a place where you will be received with open
arms is a comfort.
One of the more popular agencies, Out and About, offers
vacation packages that include gay or gay friendly hotels,
restaurants and local guides. Out and About also offers tour
books that are searchable on their web page. These books are
broken down between romance, adventure and even places that are
open to only women or only men. Special trips to exotic places
such as India or Africa are featured.
Another in demand travel agency is called Gay Travel. Also
listed on-line, this agency offers gay and lesbian friendly
planned trips around the world. They also corner the market on
exclusive gay cruises. The site has a searchable database that
can help you find gay owned and run businesses such as bed and
breakfasts and hotels. Their most popular service is a do it
yourself vacation planner. You tell them where, when and how and
they will find you a vacation that has been tailor made.
Cruises are another ideal choice for a romantic getaway. Olivia
Travel is an agency geared towards lesbians that list many
commercial cruises that are gay friendly. The most sought after
cruises have celebrity guests and have days ported at Olivia’s
own private island, Half Moon Cay, in the Caribbean. Children
are usually welcomed on Olivia cruises and you will be pleased
to discover that nanny services are available when you and your
sweetie want to have a night alone.
The fastest growing vacation trend is a trip up north to our
neighbors in Canada. Many same sex couples plan their weddings
in Canada and the nation has opened its arms to help make their
special day truly unique. Deals can be found for you, your mate
and your combined families at many hotels in Montreal, Toronto
and Halifax. Lush spa packages by gay friendly staff are offered
at many resorts.
About the Author: Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business
Administration from the University of Southern California. He
graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief
Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can plan, share, and
find a date http://www.planjam.com/sharedate.php
Sex And New Relationships By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Brad was just completing his divorce after having been married
for over 25 years. He had not dated in what seemed like forever
to him, and had no idea how to start. “How do you start a new
relationship?” he asked me in our counseling session.
“What are you most concerned about?” I asked.
“Sex,” he answered.
“What about sex?” I asked.
Pause…. “Well…performance. What if I can’t perform? What if I’m
too nervous to perform?”
“Okay. Let’s start with sex.”
In the 35 years that I’ve been counseling, I’ve discovered that
the one mistake people make in starting a new relationship is to
have sex too soon. There are many reasons why people have sex
too soon: they think it will create deeper intimacy, they are
just in it for the conquest, they are afraid of rejection if
they say no, they get physically carried away, they like sex.
Let’s take the example of Yvonne.
Yvonne is a lovely young woman in her middle thirties who
really wants to get married and have children. She has no
trouble meeting men, but the relationships don’t last. In fact,
they rarely even get started.
The problem is that Yvonne often believes what men say to her
early on in the relationship. The last man she dated a couple of
months ago, came on really strong. He told her on the first date
how wonderful she was, how he had rarely met anyone like her.
When he came on sexually, she resisted, although she was really
turned on and attracted to him. He suavely said to her “I bet
you’re worried that if we have sex I won’t call you again.”
“Right,” she said. “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.”
Well, he answered, “I’m not that kind of man. Can’t you tell
that we’re really connected to each other? I haven’t had such a
good time in years! Of course I want to see you again!” Yvonne
agreed that they were having a wonderful time. She put aside her
inner warning signals and had sex with him. Sure enough, he
never called her again.
The reality is that, no matter how wonderful things seem on the
first or second date, this is not enough time to deeply care
about someone. And sex without deep caring might be a physically
satisfying experience, but it is flat emotionally and
spiritually. It will almost always leave both people feeling
like something was missing. Without love and caring, it is easy
to move on to another person, another conquest. It is easy to
dismiss the encounter - since something was missing, it must not
have been the right person. But these two people never gave
themselves a change to see if they were right for each other.
They jumped into the most physically intimate of experiences
before there was any emotional intimacy. They tried to get the
intimate connection through sex, but great sex is an outgrowth
of intimacy, not a cause of it. Without love and caring, any
problem becomes too much to handle, any deficiency or
imperfection becomes cause to move on. Physical attraction is
never enough to see people through the inevitable conflicts that
come up in primary relationships.
Deep caring comes through spending time together getting to
know each other. It comes from months of laughing together,
crying together, discovering what is deeply endearing about each
other. It comes from having conflict and getting through it to
understanding each other on deeper levels. It comes when two
people let each in on the soul level. You need to love someone’s
soul before you will be willing to go through the challenges
that come up in all relationships. Without that depth of love,
it is just too easy to leave.
So, what I said to Brad was, “Take your time. Don’t jump into
bed until you feel so safe with each other that even if the
first time you make love you don’t get an erection it won’t ruin
the relationship. It may take months or longer before you feel
that safe with someone.”
“Months? I’m supposed to wait months before having sex?”
“Brad, I don’t know how long it will take for you to feel loved
and loving, safe and deeply caring. It depends on how much time
you time you spend with each other. It depends on how honest you
are with each other. It depends on how you each deal with
conflict. You will certainly not feel safe until you have
conflict and see how the two of you handle it. What if you
discover that your partner completely shuts down or gets enraged
in conflict? Will you feel safe if you are worried about her
reaction if you can’t perform? All this takes time. What’s your
rush? Is it sex you want or a relationship you want?
“Okay, I got it. I want a relationship. Whew! I actually feel
some relief knowing that it’s okay to take my time!”
About the Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.
for over 25 years. He had not dated in what seemed like forever
to him, and had no idea how to start. “How do you start a new
relationship?” he asked me in our counseling session.
“What are you most concerned about?” I asked.
“Sex,” he answered.
“What about sex?” I asked.
Pause…. “Well…performance. What if I can’t perform? What if I’m
too nervous to perform?”
“Okay. Let’s start with sex.”
In the 35 years that I’ve been counseling, I’ve discovered that
the one mistake people make in starting a new relationship is to
have sex too soon. There are many reasons why people have sex
too soon: they think it will create deeper intimacy, they are
just in it for the conquest, they are afraid of rejection if
they say no, they get physically carried away, they like sex.
Let’s take the example of Yvonne.
Yvonne is a lovely young woman in her middle thirties who
really wants to get married and have children. She has no
trouble meeting men, but the relationships don’t last. In fact,
they rarely even get started.
The problem is that Yvonne often believes what men say to her
early on in the relationship. The last man she dated a couple of
months ago, came on really strong. He told her on the first date
how wonderful she was, how he had rarely met anyone like her.
When he came on sexually, she resisted, although she was really
turned on and attracted to him. He suavely said to her “I bet
you’re worried that if we have sex I won’t call you again.”
“Right,” she said. “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.”
Well, he answered, “I’m not that kind of man. Can’t you tell
that we’re really connected to each other? I haven’t had such a
good time in years! Of course I want to see you again!” Yvonne
agreed that they were having a wonderful time. She put aside her
inner warning signals and had sex with him. Sure enough, he
never called her again.
The reality is that, no matter how wonderful things seem on the
first or second date, this is not enough time to deeply care
about someone. And sex without deep caring might be a physically
satisfying experience, but it is flat emotionally and
spiritually. It will almost always leave both people feeling
like something was missing. Without love and caring, it is easy
to move on to another person, another conquest. It is easy to
dismiss the encounter - since something was missing, it must not
have been the right person. But these two people never gave
themselves a change to see if they were right for each other.
They jumped into the most physically intimate of experiences
before there was any emotional intimacy. They tried to get the
intimate connection through sex, but great sex is an outgrowth
of intimacy, not a cause of it. Without love and caring, any
problem becomes too much to handle, any deficiency or
imperfection becomes cause to move on. Physical attraction is
never enough to see people through the inevitable conflicts that
come up in primary relationships.
Deep caring comes through spending time together getting to
know each other. It comes from months of laughing together,
crying together, discovering what is deeply endearing about each
other. It comes from having conflict and getting through it to
understanding each other on deeper levels. It comes when two
people let each in on the soul level. You need to love someone’s
soul before you will be willing to go through the challenges
that come up in all relationships. Without that depth of love,
it is just too easy to leave.
So, what I said to Brad was, “Take your time. Don’t jump into
bed until you feel so safe with each other that even if the
first time you make love you don’t get an erection it won’t ruin
the relationship. It may take months or longer before you feel
that safe with someone.”
“Months? I’m supposed to wait months before having sex?”
“Brad, I don’t know how long it will take for you to feel loved
and loving, safe and deeply caring. It depends on how much time
you time you spend with each other. It depends on how honest you
are with each other. It depends on how you each deal with
conflict. You will certainly not feel safe until you have
conflict and see how the two of you handle it. What if you
discover that your partner completely shuts down or gets enraged
in conflict? Will you feel safe if you are worried about her
reaction if you can’t perform? All this takes time. What’s your
rush? Is it sex you want or a relationship you want?
“Okay, I got it. I want a relationship. Whew! I actually feel
some relief knowing that it’s okay to take my time!”
About the Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of
eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By
You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing
process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Dating Relationships - Advantages of Healthy Communication in Dating Relationships By John Smithe
A dating relationship is a thing of joy; something that people
long to have and hope to eventually convert into a marriage.
Hence, if you want to be on the path that will lead to marital
bliss, then you should know how to communicate effectively and
get through to the person without having to hide who you are.
Listed below are some of the advantages of having this high
level of communication.
There are numerous advantages to having effective communication
in dating relationships. The first advantage is that you get to
speak to the person and tell them what you like and dislike, and
in return have them do the same with you. It is of course
pointless in wanting to spend you life with a person and not
knowing if you both have some common tastes. That would probably
be something that will lead to a failed relationship eventually
down the line.
The next advantage to having effective communication in dating
relationship is the fact that you get to share your happiness
and problems with someone at the same time. Hence, you can bank
on support every time you need it and even celebrate you moments
of joy with the right person. This is probably something that
every couple would love to have and you will eventually get with
effective communication. After all, everyone likes to have a
shoulder to cry on and person to hug in their moments of misery.
Another advantage of effective communication in dating
relationship is the fact that you get to actively engage each
other’s minds in common topics of interest. You can work on some
issues that the two of you may have had and may even discuss
matters that people might stay away from thinking it is not
something worth talking about. This high level of communication
intimacy can be rewarding and eventually, you will come to a
point where you can discuss pretty much anything that there is
without having to feel uncomfortable or aware about you
discussing it with your partner.
Other benefits of effective communication include trust
building and having a long fruitful relationship. Hence,
effective communication opens up doors that are vital to build a
long lasting relationship. On the whole, it is definitely
something that every couple should have and enjoy long after
they get married. Thus, the best possible solution is to have
free and uncensored communication before you actually tie the
knot and enter marital bliss.
At times using anger or aggressive communication may make you
feel like you’re in control and you’re getting even for
something but in the end you’re actually hurting yourself. When
you hurt the person you love, it ends up hurting you worse. This
is why it is always better to take the humble and broken
approach then getting aggressive and taking up your rights. The
advantages of healthy communication far outweigh the burden of
hurting the other person. Keep your communication open and
honest, covered in grace and respect and you’ll find yourself in
a very fulfilling relationship.
About the Author: John is an experienced writer on seeking
dating and relationships. He has been writing for many years and
has had many articles published. Some of John's most favorite
topics to write on include single professionals, mature daters,
and dating relationships. http://www.vipsingles.com
long to have and hope to eventually convert into a marriage.
Hence, if you want to be on the path that will lead to marital
bliss, then you should know how to communicate effectively and
get through to the person without having to hide who you are.
Listed below are some of the advantages of having this high
level of communication.
There are numerous advantages to having effective communication
in dating relationships. The first advantage is that you get to
speak to the person and tell them what you like and dislike, and
in return have them do the same with you. It is of course
pointless in wanting to spend you life with a person and not
knowing if you both have some common tastes. That would probably
be something that will lead to a failed relationship eventually
down the line.
The next advantage to having effective communication in dating
relationship is the fact that you get to share your happiness
and problems with someone at the same time. Hence, you can bank
on support every time you need it and even celebrate you moments
of joy with the right person. This is probably something that
every couple would love to have and you will eventually get with
effective communication. After all, everyone likes to have a
shoulder to cry on and person to hug in their moments of misery.
Another advantage of effective communication in dating
relationship is the fact that you get to actively engage each
other’s minds in common topics of interest. You can work on some
issues that the two of you may have had and may even discuss
matters that people might stay away from thinking it is not
something worth talking about. This high level of communication
intimacy can be rewarding and eventually, you will come to a
point where you can discuss pretty much anything that there is
without having to feel uncomfortable or aware about you
discussing it with your partner.
Other benefits of effective communication include trust
building and having a long fruitful relationship. Hence,
effective communication opens up doors that are vital to build a
long lasting relationship. On the whole, it is definitely
something that every couple should have and enjoy long after
they get married. Thus, the best possible solution is to have
free and uncensored communication before you actually tie the
knot and enter marital bliss.
At times using anger or aggressive communication may make you
feel like you’re in control and you’re getting even for
something but in the end you’re actually hurting yourself. When
you hurt the person you love, it ends up hurting you worse. This
is why it is always better to take the humble and broken
approach then getting aggressive and taking up your rights. The
advantages of healthy communication far outweigh the burden of
hurting the other person. Keep your communication open and
honest, covered in grace and respect and you’ll find yourself in
a very fulfilling relationship.
About the Author: John is an experienced writer on seeking
dating and relationships. He has been writing for many years and
has had many articles published. Some of John's most favorite
topics to write on include single professionals, mature daters,
and dating relationships. http://www.vipsingles.com
Soul Relationships And Physical Relationships By Julie Redstone
Those we are close to are related to us in complex ways,
historically, biologically, and in terms of soul-connection.
Yet often, what outpictures on the level of the physical, does
not reflect the intensity and meaningfulness of the soul
connection that has brought us into proximity with another,
whether for a few moments or for a lifetime.
Where the bond is strong and one of commitment, we tend to
assume that there is a deeper connection. However, what is
actually true is that this connection exists even where
relationships do not function smoothly or carry a great deal of
difficulty. Even in such cases, the soul connection may be one
of a purely positive nature, though many serious problems or
challenges may be manifesting on the physical plane.
The confusion about levels of relationship comes up commonly in
two ways: when we feel a deep heart connection with someone,
whether for a few moments or for many years, and this sense of
connection is not reciprocated or acknowledged by the other, or,
when we have a great deal of difficulty with another or suffer
at the hands of another, and wonder why they are in our lives
and what, that is positive, could be the purpose of such a
relationship. In both cases, we are presuming a relationship on
a different level that is the explanation or cause for what we
are experiencing.
The truth of soul relationships is more complex than most are
aware of at this point. On the one hand, what one soul
recognizes may not be what another is capable of perceiving at a
given point in time. This does not make the relationship or
connection untrue. It just means that the other is bound in
their perception by limitations on the personality level and
cannot register or be aware of the deeper currents of
relatedness. The discrepancy between our own perception of
things and that of someone else can lead to disappointment and
even to sorrow if we do not understand that what exists at the
soul level has to find its way into physical expression in its
own way and time. In some instances this may not happen nor
serve the highest good within a particular lifetime.
Similarly, with relationships that have a strong negative
component, whether familial or introduced by external
circumstances into our life. Souls never come together to harm
each other. They always come together in order to further each
other's learning on the level of the heart and spirit. No
matter who we encounter in life, especially in the context of a
long-term connection, the other soul is crossing our path in
order to convey something that we have chosen to learn. What
this is, involves the mystery of embodied experience, and can
shape the course of a lifetime.
Suffice it to say that, often, the direction we think things
should go in with another, does not become the direction that
they actually go in. This is not because the inner connection
is not there or is faulty, but because the point of meeting with
another brings into awareness for each participant, the portion
of meaning they are capable of holding in the present, and what
is true within the perception of one person may not be true for
the other.
Souls, in their desire and capacity to help each other, may
also choose periods of time apart from each other. Sometimes
the separation is what is needed in order to further the
relationship. Sometimes, the learning that takes place can only
take place with periodic or intermittent contact with another.
In addition, there are many levels of meeting or contact between
souls. Souls have the capacity of meeting not just on the
physical plane, but on the plane of dreams which, for many,
involves actual meetings that are conducted within the
energy-body while asleep. The kind of communication and support
that can take place through these non-physical meetings can be
quite significant. They can further or continue a relationship,
even where one participant has left their body through death.
This is because those who have departed are still connected with
us as souls and can choose, for various reasons, to meet us
within our energy or dream bodies while asleep so that we may
share further experience as part of an ongoing relationship.
Where souls are meeting primarily in the dream body as opposed
to the physical body, it can happen either because the inner
directives of one soul have caused them to depart from the
physical plane while the other remains. It can also be caused
by limitations on the level of the personality that prevent a
soul from acknowledging the connection with another due to
defensiveness, fear, or simply to a lack of awareness within the
existing personality of what the soul knows on its own level.
And so the inner connection is maintained when the personality
has less say over making contact, generally at night, but
sometimes also during the day. At these times we may experience
the presence of others with us where it seems that there is an
intentionality to their being there, and a desire to communicate
in words or through feeling. Becoming able to listen and to
hear these communications without fear or self-invalidation, but
with a sense of wanting to help and to love, is a task of the
maturing soul that opens the door to the many faceted
relationships that exist within the spiritual universe.
Finally, let it be said that souls also meet outside of their
physical bodies because of the level of their spiritual
development and their increased capacity to do so in an
intentional way. These meetings are part of the growing
development of consciousness to manifest reality in a myriad of
ways.
In the end the connections with others on the level of the soul
enrich life immeasurably, and add to the dimension of the
physical, the dimension of the spiritual in ways that will one
day become quite natural and commonplace, which, for today, may
seem the exception.
About the Author: For other writings by Julie Redstone , see
Pathways of Light –
http://www.lightomega.org/PathwaysofLight.html. For more about
relationships, see the Sacred Relationships section of the Light
Omega website -
http://www.lightomega.org/Ind/Sacred_Relationships.html.
historically, biologically, and in terms of soul-connection.
Yet often, what outpictures on the level of the physical, does
not reflect the intensity and meaningfulness of the soul
connection that has brought us into proximity with another,
whether for a few moments or for a lifetime.
Where the bond is strong and one of commitment, we tend to
assume that there is a deeper connection. However, what is
actually true is that this connection exists even where
relationships do not function smoothly or carry a great deal of
difficulty. Even in such cases, the soul connection may be one
of a purely positive nature, though many serious problems or
challenges may be manifesting on the physical plane.
The confusion about levels of relationship comes up commonly in
two ways: when we feel a deep heart connection with someone,
whether for a few moments or for many years, and this sense of
connection is not reciprocated or acknowledged by the other, or,
when we have a great deal of difficulty with another or suffer
at the hands of another, and wonder why they are in our lives
and what, that is positive, could be the purpose of such a
relationship. In both cases, we are presuming a relationship on
a different level that is the explanation or cause for what we
are experiencing.
The truth of soul relationships is more complex than most are
aware of at this point. On the one hand, what one soul
recognizes may not be what another is capable of perceiving at a
given point in time. This does not make the relationship or
connection untrue. It just means that the other is bound in
their perception by limitations on the personality level and
cannot register or be aware of the deeper currents of
relatedness. The discrepancy between our own perception of
things and that of someone else can lead to disappointment and
even to sorrow if we do not understand that what exists at the
soul level has to find its way into physical expression in its
own way and time. In some instances this may not happen nor
serve the highest good within a particular lifetime.
Similarly, with relationships that have a strong negative
component, whether familial or introduced by external
circumstances into our life. Souls never come together to harm
each other. They always come together in order to further each
other's learning on the level of the heart and spirit. No
matter who we encounter in life, especially in the context of a
long-term connection, the other soul is crossing our path in
order to convey something that we have chosen to learn. What
this is, involves the mystery of embodied experience, and can
shape the course of a lifetime.
Suffice it to say that, often, the direction we think things
should go in with another, does not become the direction that
they actually go in. This is not because the inner connection
is not there or is faulty, but because the point of meeting with
another brings into awareness for each participant, the portion
of meaning they are capable of holding in the present, and what
is true within the perception of one person may not be true for
the other.
Souls, in their desire and capacity to help each other, may
also choose periods of time apart from each other. Sometimes
the separation is what is needed in order to further the
relationship. Sometimes, the learning that takes place can only
take place with periodic or intermittent contact with another.
In addition, there are many levels of meeting or contact between
souls. Souls have the capacity of meeting not just on the
physical plane, but on the plane of dreams which, for many,
involves actual meetings that are conducted within the
energy-body while asleep. The kind of communication and support
that can take place through these non-physical meetings can be
quite significant. They can further or continue a relationship,
even where one participant has left their body through death.
This is because those who have departed are still connected with
us as souls and can choose, for various reasons, to meet us
within our energy or dream bodies while asleep so that we may
share further experience as part of an ongoing relationship.
Where souls are meeting primarily in the dream body as opposed
to the physical body, it can happen either because the inner
directives of one soul have caused them to depart from the
physical plane while the other remains. It can also be caused
by limitations on the level of the personality that prevent a
soul from acknowledging the connection with another due to
defensiveness, fear, or simply to a lack of awareness within the
existing personality of what the soul knows on its own level.
And so the inner connection is maintained when the personality
has less say over making contact, generally at night, but
sometimes also during the day. At these times we may experience
the presence of others with us where it seems that there is an
intentionality to their being there, and a desire to communicate
in words or through feeling. Becoming able to listen and to
hear these communications without fear or self-invalidation, but
with a sense of wanting to help and to love, is a task of the
maturing soul that opens the door to the many faceted
relationships that exist within the spiritual universe.
Finally, let it be said that souls also meet outside of their
physical bodies because of the level of their spiritual
development and their increased capacity to do so in an
intentional way. These meetings are part of the growing
development of consciousness to manifest reality in a myriad of
ways.
In the end the connections with others on the level of the soul
enrich life immeasurably, and add to the dimension of the
physical, the dimension of the spiritual in ways that will one
day become quite natural and commonplace, which, for today, may
seem the exception.
About the Author: For other writings by Julie Redstone , see
Pathways of Light –
http://www.lightomega.org/PathwaysofLight.html. For more about
relationships, see the Sacred Relationships section of the Light
Omega website -
http://www.lightomega.org/Ind/Sacred_Relationships.html.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Relationships Advice For Women Who Have Hope For Successful Relationships By Francis K. Githinji
Some things should never be let to see the light of the day.
Folklore has it that the truth will always set you free but in
dating relationships, some things are better left unsaid.
According to my relationships advice, women should learn to keep
some issues in the dark. Many guys who are serious with you will
off course ask you about the number of men you have dated. By
this he does not mean the guy you had an innocent tour with
through the park. He wants to know the number of guys you have
got intimate with. In life people kiss many frogs who look like
princes. Do not tell the truth especially if they exceed five.
The number of men or women you have slept with should be tightly
locked in the cupboard if you have any hope of successful
relationships.
I thought of giving relationships advice to women because i am
tired of seeing them spoiling their once successful
relationships. You might not love your body that much but do not
disclose the body shape insecurities. Your guy sees you
beautiful and attractive. Let him continue like that. If you
start highlighting the body parts you do not like, he will start
seeing them. If your thighs are too fat do something to improve
them but do not whine about it. If you do not like yourself, the
man might believe in you and hate what he previously liked. This
puts a strain on dating relationships. John left his former
girlfriend because she kept on complaining that her bum was so
big. He after all saw it was extra ordinarily big and he left.
When it comes to the matters of the heart we sometimes act so
stupidly. It is hard to deny love but whatever you do as a woman
do not show your man that you cannot live without him. You can
tell it to your close friends who off course will pump sense
into you but do not tell it to your boyfriend. This dating
relationships advice is essential for women who are regularly
abused by their partners. If your man does something wrong to
you and does not care to apologize, do not let it pass. There
are some women who are used like door mats but they act like
nothing happened because they cannot bear doing without the man
in their life. Successful relationships are born out of love and
respect.
Most women come clean when they are caught cheating on the
spouses. What makes a cheating behavior in a man so forgivable?
Women who have been caught cheating always accept to having a
moment of passion. Men on the other hand will always use the
phrase "it wasn't me." At these time and age when cheating women
are on the rise, women need some dating relationships advice.
Never admit that you were cheating on him. The moment you admit
the relationship hits a dead end. Denying makes the man in your
life start believing in you and possibly giving the relationship
a second chance. People in relationships also make mistakes but
they have to be wise in order to enjoy successful relationships.
About the Author: Francis K. Githinji Is A Online Dating
Expert. His Latest Project http://www.tomydate.com Shows How The
Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With
Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His
Blog At http://www.tomydate.net/?p=553.
Folklore has it that the truth will always set you free but in
dating relationships, some things are better left unsaid.
According to my relationships advice, women should learn to keep
some issues in the dark. Many guys who are serious with you will
off course ask you about the number of men you have dated. By
this he does not mean the guy you had an innocent tour with
through the park. He wants to know the number of guys you have
got intimate with. In life people kiss many frogs who look like
princes. Do not tell the truth especially if they exceed five.
The number of men or women you have slept with should be tightly
locked in the cupboard if you have any hope of successful
relationships.
I thought of giving relationships advice to women because i am
tired of seeing them spoiling their once successful
relationships. You might not love your body that much but do not
disclose the body shape insecurities. Your guy sees you
beautiful and attractive. Let him continue like that. If you
start highlighting the body parts you do not like, he will start
seeing them. If your thighs are too fat do something to improve
them but do not whine about it. If you do not like yourself, the
man might believe in you and hate what he previously liked. This
puts a strain on dating relationships. John left his former
girlfriend because she kept on complaining that her bum was so
big. He after all saw it was extra ordinarily big and he left.
When it comes to the matters of the heart we sometimes act so
stupidly. It is hard to deny love but whatever you do as a woman
do not show your man that you cannot live without him. You can
tell it to your close friends who off course will pump sense
into you but do not tell it to your boyfriend. This dating
relationships advice is essential for women who are regularly
abused by their partners. If your man does something wrong to
you and does not care to apologize, do not let it pass. There
are some women who are used like door mats but they act like
nothing happened because they cannot bear doing without the man
in their life. Successful relationships are born out of love and
respect.
Most women come clean when they are caught cheating on the
spouses. What makes a cheating behavior in a man so forgivable?
Women who have been caught cheating always accept to having a
moment of passion. Men on the other hand will always use the
phrase "it wasn't me." At these time and age when cheating women
are on the rise, women need some dating relationships advice.
Never admit that you were cheating on him. The moment you admit
the relationship hits a dead end. Denying makes the man in your
life start believing in you and possibly giving the relationship
a second chance. People in relationships also make mistakes but
they have to be wise in order to enjoy successful relationships.
About the Author: Francis K. Githinji Is A Online Dating
Expert. His Latest Project http://www.tomydate.com Shows How The
Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With
Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His
Blog At http://www.tomydate.net/?p=553.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)